Cutie Pie

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My experiences with both online dating in general and especially younger men is that they get way too personal and familiar, way too quickly. Sometimes this is demeaning, or seems possessive. How can I be your “Baby” or “Sweetie” when we haven’t even met? it’s just annoying. Men may think it shows they are affectionate or complimentary, when they open with, Hey, Hot Stuff or Cutie or call me, Honey (unless they are from the South) after mere minutes of typing it doesn’t feel genuine. After many conversations about this with friends who have shared these experiences, this is my response.

cherry-pie-story-top

Cutie-Pie

I’m not your pie
I’m not your cake
I am not the dessert
Or your main course

I am not your just reward
Your sweet thing
I am not your anything

I am complete
Not at your feet
Nor a step behind

I do not compliment
Lift you up
Or bring you down

I may inspire
But I am no mere muse
And no mere amusement

I am a gift, not given
But shared of my own volition
I am equal to the task
And will not be

Reduced
Dismissed
Minimized
Trivialized
Objectified
In the name of affection

Why do I give such weight
To these little words
Why do they grate on me
When you swear this wasn’t your intent
Just a sweet little term of endearment

Because years and years of these dear little terms
Have aimed to “put me in my place”
So I’ve had to assert myself
Make a place of my own

And if you’d like to stand beside me
On this hill
in the sun
You’re going to have to put down your fork
And all the frosting
And let me shine
Because I’m nobody’s, Honey
Or Baby
Or Sweet Cheeks
When they don’t even know me

How dare they
Get so familiar
So fast

I’m not your Pie
I’m not your Cake
I’m not good enough to eat
I don’t have to be good enough for anything

How about starting off 
With some respect
You can show your appreciation
Without the, Baby, talk
Thank you very much

All I need
Is to be taken seriously
Laughed with
And loved honestly
With all my strengths
And imperfections

When someone lets one of these cute little names
Roll casually off their tongue
It often sounds like a one size fits all
Habit

All girls they want to fuck are, “doll”
Or Angel
Or Darling

Hey, Gorgeous
Or Sexy
So Hot, off the griddle

So, if I’m the woman
You want to get to know
Why not wait
Until you get to know me
And the affection is genuine

To find a pet name more appropriate
For how you really feel about me
Then I might not feel like I could be just anyone
Interchangeable

When you call me Sugar
Or Cutie Pie
Or Baby Cakes
Then

Oh, I still might cringe at the association
With some sweet nothing
Designed only for consumption

But I’ll know it comes from the heart
And not just the side of your mouth
That wants something from me.

-LM 2015

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