Conversations With THE KITTY! (In A New Place On Moving Day)

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This is LiLi, the cat of many names. AKA Merph, Merphy Brown, Captain Merphlepoof, Monkey Butt and of course, Grumpitha to name a few. Alas! If only I’d had a computer at the time, we could have beat that Grumpy Cat to fame and fortune!

Merph: What the hell Mom?
But wait. ALL our stuff is here so this isn’t a sleepover spot. But why is the bed surrounded by towers of boxes? I’m not sure if this is adequate or not. You sure are lucky that I’m so good with new environments!

Me: At least, “Stompy McStomperson” (our former loud housemate) isn’t here. Oh boy, but wait until you hear the garage door!

LiLi aka Merph: I don’t know what a garage door is, but MY bed is here which I will share with you. In other words I will sleep with my butt in your face.

Me: Okay. Thanks?

LiLi: By the way this “view” is fantastic!
(Kitty sarcasm)
So, Puuurrrrrrr.

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The fantastic view!

Me: Don’t be mad. I can’t figure out where your food bowls and your toys are. I just checked with my client and she says I didn’t leave them behind. Maybe they are in the trunk of the car.

LiLi: This is most inadequate. I demand that you go find them at once!

Me: Maybe when it stops raining. I just changed my clothes. The ones I was wearing are soaking wet.

LiLi: What is it about, “At Once!” that was not clear?

Me: How about I make the bed?

LiLi: I not purr now.

Me: Tough love. Tough love.

 

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Once again, trapped under a kitty.

It turns out that Merph is completely nonplussed by our bedroom being over the garage. That big noisy gate doesn’t even make her ears twitch. Frankly, it’s soothing compared to all the noise at the last few places we lived. The rain sound is not the best, no roof, just water slapping pavement, but it’s not the worst either. It’s nicer when I close the window.) 

 

 

(A little while later)

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Merph: You find my food bowls yet?

Me: It’s still raining. I have to go look in the car.

Merph: Inadequate. Most Inadequate!

Me: Besides, how can I do anything when you are on my lap?

Merph: Magic! Duh.

 

Me: I can’t even make the bed because you won’t move.

Merph: I helping!

Me: Cats seriously have a strange idea if what, “helping” means.

Merph: Bowls now?

Me: *bonk*

(And later that day….)

Me: (finally) Merph, I found your food bowl, your crunchies and your toys.

Merph: Eh. I’m busy sitting in this basket.

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Put down a basket, even a smooshed one, and voila, in goes a cat! It must be in their DNA.

Me: Loooook, I filled your water bowl!

Merph: Yeah, I might get to that later.

Me: OK then, I’ll just put this catnip away.

MerphCATNIP!!!!

boxes and boxes

Yes, and this is me, a short while after the movers left. And yes, those are boxes, boxes and still more boxes! I confess, it’s been a year and some still aren’t unpacked.          

-LM 2016 / 2017

Conversations with THE KITTY: I Claim This for Catlandia!

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LiLi has been a little clingy since I came home:

I claim this lap

LiLi: I on your face!
Me: Mmmph hack. LiLi I’m trying to sleep, but not the big sleep, ok?
LiLi: I claim this lap for France!
Me: Not a good idea. Now, Mom needs to pee.
LiLi You walk here. I walk here.
Me: CAT! Aaargh!
LiLi: I lean against you now. Now I lean against this side! Your foot, it is my pillow! Now your knee, it is my pillow! No.Don’t get up! You are not allowed to get up!
Me: LiLi, I’m just going downstairs to get something to eat!
LiLi: Nooooooooo! I shred your pillow! Oh damn! You trimmed my claws!
Me: I’m just going downstairs! I’ll be back in 10 minutes!
LiLi: *checks watch*
Me: LiLi you don’t have a watch
LiLi: *grumpy face*
Me: See I’m back.
LiLi: This is most inadequate
Me: Here. You can sit on my lap
LiLi: Don’t want your lap.
Me: Fine: I’m going downstairs and cleaning some of Hades’ mess so I can have room to make tea.
LiLi: Unacceptable! When you come back I put my butt in your tea!
Me: *sigh*
*returns with tea*
LiLi: You walk here. I WALK HERE!
Me: Dammit this is hot tea!
LiLi: FEAR ME!
Me: Ok. LiLi. I fear you. Can I just sit down and make this cup….
LiLi: I put my butt in your tea cup.
Me: *Narrowly saves teacup from cat ass incursion*
( Hey, putting THAT on my band name list for sure!)
LiLi: LOVE ME!
Me: LiLi! Come on. Just let me get settled.
LiLi : I claim these legs for Catlandia!
*plop* *chirp*
Me: My leg is asleep. Mooooove
LiLi: My Butt it is on you!

Another Friday night over before it’s begun!

Conversations With THE KITTY: How Could you leave me?

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you'll never leave me*Often I am able to take my cat with me when I have house-sitting assignments but recently she had to endure several weeks of her human coming home to feed and care for her and then leaving again. When I came home to stay she was beside herself. She purred for days on end and had to be on me or next to me at all times.

 I come into the house after my housemate and I do the big car shuffle. Just inside the door I hear LiLi all the way from upstairs!

LiLi: Mom? Mom! Mom!
ME: I’m coming.
LiLi: Now! Hurry up!
ME: I’m coming. Hang on.
LiLi: Not fast enough! Moooooom!
ME: Gimme a minute. Mom has to use the litter box for humans!
LiLi: Nooooooooow!
ME: Damn! The Girlfriend is in there. Ok. You first.
LiLi: Open the damn door already! I WANT MOM!

*Entering the room cat and human run into each other’s arms in slow motion, which means what actually happened is I plop down on the bed and LiLi puts her butt in my face*

LiLi: Pppppppuuuuuuuuuuur! I put my butt in your face!
Me: Yeah. Mommy missed you too!
LiLi: PPPPPUUUUUUUURRRRR: I crash my head into your boobs now!
Me: Well, I’ll just rub your ears, Ok?
LiLi: You will never leave me again!
Me: I wish I could promise that Merph!
LiLi: You made me drool with happiness! Rub my belly!
Me: I hate to interrupt the love fest Lounge Monkey San, buy I need to pee and bring in my groceries from the car!
LiLi: No! I sit on you now!
Me: I’ll be back, really. Look! I let Hades block Stacey the car in! I can’t go anywhere!
LiLi: Merrrrr This is most inadequate.
Me: Merph. Mom has to do stuff. You have to deal.
LiLi: You do not fear me adequately.
Me: *sigh* I fear you. I have tremendous fear of you, Ok? Can I get my groceries now?
LiLi: Most inadequate. When you return I shall put my butt on you. You will be ex-purr-minated!

expurrminatemy dalek likes to hide in boxes