Conversations With Denial

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*The part of Denial is played by my cat LiLi

whisker

LiLi: What are that? It tickles.
Me: You lost a whisker.
LiLi: That’s very interesting, but that’s not mine.
Me: It is yours. I’m saving it. Usually you drop your one white whisker so I never find it. You always look odd until it grows back again.
LiLi: No, that’s not mine.
Me: Do you see any other cats in this room?
LiLi: I have all my parts!
Me: Uh. Remember that time I took you to work with me at the veterinary hospital and you fell asleep and when you woke up your belly was shaved and you were sore for a few days?
LiLi: Eh, vaguely.
Me: Yeah, well. We took out some of your parts.
LiLi: *yawns* Clearly, you do not fear me adequately. Fortunately for you, clawing your face off does not fit into my schedule.
Me: I just trimmed your nails!
LiLi: You just make things up all the time. *sigh* I nap now.

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It wasn’t my fault…..line; oh yeah, it was!

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2018-01-27_12.54.32In which Captain Merphlepoof sleeps through an earthquake, Lorelei spends half this blog naked, there is some unnecessary meanness, but Nurse Practitioner’s Rule and so do Social Workers!

Sometimes insomnia is a blessing. On January fourth, 2018, while early-to-bedders were startled awake in the dark by the earth shaking their beds, I had all my lights on and was wide awake for the roll. My cat slept through it though. She is getting old after all. She used to be a very efficient early warning system. It wasn’t a huge quake, though it felt further up the scale than it actually was since this time it was close. It was also long and loud, I watched my furniture sway while my bed, my solid redwood bed, shook for about 20 seconds. If it hadn’t been deep, I suspect there would have been damage. The worst part for someone with C.P.T.S.D. is the sound. It was loud. It roared and grumbled. Inside the apartment, it sounded like things were breaking, but nothing was damaged. If it had been less of a roller and more of a throwing things up and down, that might have been different!

Because I was awake and had my lights on, I was impressed, but fairly unconcerned. I had exited the shower only about ten minutes earlier, another lucky break, and was sprawled on my bed naked. When the walls started to groan, I should have jumped up and thrown something on, but as the earth’s crust rolled to a stop, I sat still waiting to see if it was going to start up again. It felt like a pre-shock. I’ve been there before. And as I sat there in all my vulnerable glory, my Kindle started to ping as the flood of Facebook posts came in: Earthquake? Did you feel that? EARTHQUAKE!! That had to have been at least a 5! And soon the magnitude and location started being posted, and then the adjusted magnitude of 4.4.

26172839_10209870398387818_3866016165342914805_oTwenty minutes later, I was still au natural, one eye on Facebook, the other on my tall shelves, in case they started to sway again, ears perked for stony growls. It crossed my mind that perhaps a good aftershock was needed, at least to motivate me to put pajamas on. It would have served me right if I had had to run out in the hallway, but lucky for the neighbors, I didn’t. Merph was still sleeping soundly. Finally, she awoke and stretched with a chirp.

People were posting about their dogs freaking out. Merph yawns and says, “Meeeer Ma Meh” which translates to, “Pfft. Dogs. Such cowards! I do not bother to wake up for less than a 5.5. Pet me.” 

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I was still getting notifications about the earthquake an hour later. I’m still awake, because I would be anyway, but I now had an extra layer of anxiety.

The feed is homogeneous, except for one stray housing listing.

My feed looked like this:

“earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake earthquake” LOOK! This is very EXCITING! It’s a HOUSING POST at a rate I CAN AFFORD!

The earthquake was in Berkeley. Someone in Berkeley is NOT posting about the earthquake. WTF?  Oh, BUT WAIT! The WTF’s don’t stop there!
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Coming Attractions!

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Hello fabulous people who read my occasional ramblings and creative bits. I’m pinning this post to let you know new stuff is coming so please subscribe or keep coming back!

If this is not your first time reading this, please scroll down for new posts.

I disappeared for a good long time. It wasn’t that I was not writing anything, I was. I just wasn’t posting for a variety of reasons. When I have been writing it’s not as much as I’d like. Some of that is because of life stuff, but mostly it is because I have neuropathy in my hands. I really need something like Dragon software so I can dictate my writing. That one seems to be the most popular with writers but I just can’t afford it right now.

Well, I’m just going to grit my teeth and keep trying, just don’t expect a novel anytime soon.

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Conversations with THE KITTY: I Claim This for Catlandia!

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LiLi has been a little clingy since I came home:

I claim this lap

LiLi: I on your face!
Me: Mmmph hack. LiLi I’m trying to sleep, but not the big sleep, ok?
LiLi: I claim this lap for France!
Me: Not a good idea. Now, Mom needs to pee.
LiLi You walk here. I walk here.
Me: CAT! Aaargh!
LiLi: I lean against you now. Now I lean against this side! Your foot, it is my pillow! Now your knee, it is my pillow! No.Don’t get up! You are not allowed to get up!
Me: LiLi, I’m just going downstairs to get something to eat!
LiLi: Nooooooooo! I shred your pillow! Oh damn! You trimmed my claws!
Me: I’m just going downstairs! I’ll be back in 10 minutes!
LiLi: *checks watch*
Me: LiLi you don’t have a watch
LiLi: *grumpy face*
Me: See I’m back.
LiLi: This is most inadequate
Me: Here. You can sit on my lap
LiLi: Don’t want your lap.
Me: Fine: I’m going downstairs and cleaning some of Hades’ mess so I can have room to make tea.
LiLi: Unacceptable! When you come back I put my butt in your tea!
Me: *sigh*
*returns with tea*
LiLi: You walk here. I WALK HERE!
Me: Dammit this is hot tea!
LiLi: FEAR ME!
Me: Ok. LiLi. I fear you. Can I just sit down and make this cup….
LiLi: I put my butt in your tea cup.
Me: *Narrowly saves teacup from cat ass incursion*
( Hey, putting THAT on my band name list for sure!)
LiLi: LOVE ME!
Me: LiLi! Come on. Just let me get settled.
LiLi : I claim these legs for Catlandia!
*plop* *chirp*
Me: My leg is asleep. Mooooove
LiLi: My Butt it is on you!

Another Friday night over before it’s begun!

Conversations With THE KITTY: How Could you leave me?

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you'll never leave me*Often I am able to take my cat with me when I have house-sitting assignments but recently she had to endure several weeks of her human coming home to feed and care for her and then leaving again. When I came home to stay she was beside herself. She purred for days on end and had to be on me or next to me at all times.

 I come into the house after my housemate and I do the big car shuffle. Just inside the door I hear LiLi all the way from upstairs!

LiLi: Mom? Mom! Mom!
ME: I’m coming.
LiLi: Now! Hurry up!
ME: I’m coming. Hang on.
LiLi: Not fast enough! Moooooom!
ME: Gimme a minute. Mom has to use the litter box for humans!
LiLi: Nooooooooow!
ME: Damn! The Girlfriend is in there. Ok. You first.
LiLi: Open the damn door already! I WANT MOM!

*Entering the room cat and human run into each other’s arms in slow motion, which means what actually happened is I plop down on the bed and LiLi puts her butt in my face*

LiLi: Pppppppuuuuuuuuuuur! I put my butt in your face!
Me: Yeah. Mommy missed you too!
LiLi: PPPPPUUUUUUUURRRRR: I crash my head into your boobs now!
Me: Well, I’ll just rub your ears, Ok?
LiLi: You will never leave me again!
Me: I wish I could promise that Merph!
LiLi: You made me drool with happiness! Rub my belly!
Me: I hate to interrupt the love fest Lounge Monkey San, buy I need to pee and bring in my groceries from the car!
LiLi: No! I sit on you now!
Me: I’ll be back, really. Look! I let Hades block Stacey the car in! I can’t go anywhere!
LiLi: Merrrrr This is most inadequate.
Me: Merph. Mom has to do stuff. You have to deal.
LiLi: You do not fear me adequately.
Me: *sigh* I fear you. I have tremendous fear of you, Ok? Can I get my groceries now?
LiLi: Most inadequate. When you return I shall put my butt on you. You will be ex-purr-minated!

expurrminatemy dalek likes to hide in boxes