Inevitable

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Inevitable

If you happen to be walking around your apartment
In clean socks
The odds are high
That you will unwittingly step
On the only
Three square inches
Of carpet
That have been baptized in cat vomit

And there you will stand
For a moment
Stricken and forlorn
One sock dry
Soft and warm
As an oven fresh bun

While the other
Sends a shock
Of cold misery
Slime seeps through
Coating your skin
And you’re twelve, touching fish guts

You will be too tired
To force
An appropriate curse
Past your lips.
But you will probably sigh

Resigned
And repelled
remembering fish guts
Or comparable grossness
With a vague nostalgic cringe

You will slip off your socks
And toss them
In the laundry bag
On your way
To grab a paper towel

And you will wish that cat
Could hand you
A chilled gin martini
Smooth and wet
And with none of the misery

Instead
She will chirp and rub
Against your legs
Like you’re the best thing
That’s happened to her all day

You will sigh
You will scratch her head
Take the paper towel
Scrub the vile spot until
It’s as dry as your one clean sock

Then
You will take
Your roommate’s shirt
And drape it
Over the empty cubby
She can’t resist

Her little nose will poke out
Past the curtain you made

And even though your toes
Are ice cubes
You will melt
From head to foot
Like butter in a hot pan
And forget all about socks

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Best New Year’s Eve Ever!

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Prologue:

The year started off with a magnificent full moon, but I forgot to go outside and see it. It gave me an excuse to thank my friends for putting up with all my Moon jokes in 2017. On social media, and in conversation anytime someone mentions, the moon, regardless of context, I almost compulsively comment as if they are talking about me. My last name is, Moon, get it? My sense of humor is not everyone’s cup of tea, but it is not nearly as groan worthy as my father’s was.  I blame my, inner 12 year old, my favorite, “get out of maturity” card.

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By the way, this gorgeous painting is by an artist named, Jana Ireijo. It’s only $450. If I had a wall to hang it on, I’d probably be batting my eyelashes and saying, “please” a lot, right now.

Part One: Not Exactly Flush With Festive Spirit, My Inner Virgo, Pulls Out My To Do List

I have to say, I wasn’t sorry to see 2017 go, but I wasn’t feeling particularly excited about 2018 either. My situation is still a challenge, my soul still feels like it is weighed down by a stack of pianos topped by a vengeful elephant who is not tickled by the ivories! The ugliness that crowns our country is still swirling through it the way that murky flood waters churn, hiding shit and disease, dangerous objects and death. I don’t see much improvement on the horizon without a proper shakeup. Yes, it could happen, but I’m just not excited.

I was so, not feeling anything, this time around that I couldn’t even dig up a smidge of envy at the revelers gushing of their plans to party and dance the night away. I had nowhere to go. I didn’t feel up to making myself shiny and putting on a festive face. For once, the idea of kissing someone at midnight didn’t even glimmer in my mind. My loneliness was barely a blip on my radar. I just wanted it to be tomorrow already, to mark off another day of gears grinding. Honestly, my apathy was liberating.

I didn’t have any work, but I have been caring for my roommate’s cat. He’s been traveling a lot lately. He was home briefly and left again without buying cat litter and I had already used up the last of LiLi’s litter, adding it to his cat, Ichi’s box.  Things were getting smelly. I had to buy cat litter for both of them now, and so I ended up at Safeway on New Year’s Eve with two plastic jugs of gritty clay in my cart, while everyone else was buying alcohol.  You know you have reached the climax of full blown Cat Lady Spinsterhood when you spend your New Year’s Eve at Safeway, buying cat litter for your roommate’s cat. At least I put on lipstick and combed my hair first and I wasn’t in my bathrobe. Go me!

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As if restocking the cat toilet on New Year’s Eve wasn’t awkward enough, I happened to step into line behind a former neighbor in the checkout. Continue reading

The Moonlight

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I’ve been posting a lot of poems of late and people have been asking for story bits. This is one of my favorite little pieces of writing. I admit, I am ridiculously fond of it. I haven’t decided if it’s a “fragmeant” that I may develop further or if it’s complete as is. “The Moonlight” is only a working title. I’m not quite sure what to call it. Ideas?

A magical thing doesn’t lose its usefulness if it changes its state.

PhotographerThe moonbeams scattered everywhere, fractured light spilling all over the carpet!

“Oh no!” the Sunny Marmalade Cat cried out softly, “You’ve broken them! Every single one!” He tried to sweep them into a pile with his tail but they began to degrade into a shimmering powder, transforming into a dancing puddle of light. Bits of silver stuck to his fur like beads of mercury and scattered as he flicked his tail, vexed.

“Oh Dear!” the Asynchronous Clock ticked nervously.”Oh Dear. Oh Dear. Oh Dear. What shall we do now?” And though she tried to keep her hands from moving, they clicked into place, striking the hour and she began to chime!

This caused the Good Mourning Dove to coo and cluck and leave a little icing on the edge of the window sill.

Everyone froze, poised to flee at the sound of a breath or a step, but all remained still.

The Midnight Velvet Cat hissed for attention and once she had it she pushed at the remains of the moonlight with her paw. “We have to be moving, now! We mustn’t let ourselves be discovered. But we can’t leave this here. They will never understand.” Continue reading

Conversations With Opie

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I used to be smitten with a  pair of cats; Opie and The Mysterious Germoe. After a while a third cat, Funky Ear Tony came to live with them. They lived in a house called, The Fear and Loathing, in Oakland, California. Sadly, their parents distanced themselves from me and I still don’t know why. Ouch. That’s fodder for another, more serious blog, I suppose. It’s water under the bridge now because they all moved to Georgia and they live in a lovely house called, Hope Springs and I only catch up on their adventures through Facebook.

Anyway, Opie, a very floofy ginger, used to get his treats from a little egg that would roll across the floor. (I suppose he still does, it’s just that someone else does it now) They would drop out one by one and it was very exciting for him to chase them. (Exercise) He also has very thick Maine Coonish fur. This is a typical exchange. You will relate if you have cats, if you have cats with thick coats that toss up hairballs or have tried to take photos of your pets only to watch them move as you click the shutter.

ME: Hey Op. Now that you have had your “exercise” chasing the magic egg around the floor and gobbling the treats that fell out of it, how about you let me brush you?

OPIE: More treats!

ME: No Op. You got quite a few this time. I gotta cut you off! No exploding Opie, Ok? How about a good brushing?

OPIE: *Rubs against his Pet Nanny*  Lots of pets?

Continue reading

Conversations With THE KITTY! (In A New Place On Moving Day)

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This is LiLi, the cat of many names. AKA Merph, Merphy Brown, Captain Merphlepoof, Monkey Butt and of course, Grumpitha to name a few. Alas! If only I’d had a computer at the time, we could have beat that Grumpy Cat to fame and fortune!

Merph: What the hell Mom?
But wait. ALL our stuff is here so this isn’t a sleepover spot. But why is the bed surrounded by towers of boxes? I’m not sure if this is adequate or not. You sure are lucky that I’m so good with new environments!

Me: At least, “Stompy McStomperson” (our former loud housemate) isn’t here. Oh boy, but wait until you hear the garage door!

LiLi aka Merph: I don’t know what a garage door is, but MY bed is here which I will share with you. In other words I will sleep with my butt in your face.

Me: Okay. Thanks?

LiLi: By the way this “view” is fantastic!
(Kitty sarcasm)
So, Puuurrrrrrr.

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The fantastic view!

Me: Don’t be mad. I can’t figure out where your food bowls and your toys are. I just checked with my client and she says I didn’t leave them behind. Maybe they are in the trunk of the car.

LiLi: This is most inadequate. I demand that you go find them at once!

Me: Maybe when it stops raining. I just changed my clothes. The ones I was wearing are soaking wet.

LiLi: What is it about, “At Once!” that was not clear?

Me: How about I make the bed?

LiLi: I not purr now.

Me: Tough love. Tough love.

 

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Once again, trapped under a kitty.

It turns out that Merph is completely nonplussed by our bedroom being over the garage. That big noisy gate doesn’t even make her ears twitch. Frankly, it’s soothing compared to all the noise at the last few places we lived. The rain sound is not the best, no roof, just water slapping pavement, but it’s not the worst either. It’s nicer when I close the window.) 

 

 

(A little while later)

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Merph: You find my food bowls yet?

Me: It’s still raining. I have to go look in the car.

Merph: Inadequate. Most Inadequate!

Me: Besides, how can I do anything when you are on my lap?

Merph: Magic! Duh.

 

Me: I can’t even make the bed because you won’t move.

Merph: I helping!

Me: Cats seriously have a strange idea if what, “helping” means.

Merph: Bowls now?

Me: *bonk*

(And later that day….)

Me: (finally) Merph, I found your food bowl, your crunchies and your toys.

Merph: Eh. I’m busy sitting in this basket.

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Put down a basket, even a smooshed one, and voila, in goes a cat! It must be in their DNA.

Me: Loooook, I filled your water bowl!

Merph: Yeah, I might get to that later.

Me: OK then, I’ll just put this catnip away.

MerphCATNIP!!!!

boxes and boxes

Yes, and this is me, a short while after the movers left. And yes, those are boxes, boxes and still more boxes! I confess, it’s been a year and some still aren’t unpacked.          

-LM 2016 / 2017

October

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jackson

October

Enter the wicked month
In a burst of birds
With a subtle chill
Urging you to button up
And pile another blanket near the bed
Just in case

The weekends start to beckon
With candlelight and cinnamon
Promises whispered
In the quickening dark

And cats will sit on the fence
With their eyes like two moons
Staring at things that move
Just out of your perception
It gives you the shivers
Your walk becomes brisk

You start to think about pie
And beverages steaming
And holding hands
Or perhaps hibernation

You take a little more time
To poke a toe
Out from under the covers
When morning insists
Rise and Shine
Sleepyhead

Anticipation wiggles
Just under your skin
The child in you
knows that something’s coming

-LM 2015

Remember those writing exercises where your teacher would give you an image and ask you to tell a story about it? I am playing with a new project where I  pull a random photo from my archives and write something, whatever comes off the top of my head. My rule, spend no more than 5-10 minutes max on the whole thing, then send it to a friend as their morning, “Hello!”

It gives me a writing exercise and lets them know I am thinking about them. Maybe it gives them a bit of motivation for their day. Anyway, fun project so far.

This is Jackson, a wonderful cat I used to take care of. Sadly, he passed away. He was a great cat. I’m grateful to have gotten this fantastic shot of him perched on the fence at his Grandma’s house.

Perspective

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perspective

Remember those writing exercises where your teacher would give you an image and ask you to tell a story about it? I am playing with a new project where I  pull a random photo from my archives and write something, whatever comes off the top of my head. My rule, spend no more than 5-10 minutes max on the whole thing, then send it to a friend as their morning, “Hello!”

It gives me a writing exercise and lets them know I am thinking about them. Maybe it gives them a bit of motivation for their day. Anyway, fun project so far.

This photo is of Bella, a cat I care for when her humans are away. Bella loves this box!