I Howl At The Moon

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fenrir eating the moon
I howl at the moon and I’m howling at you
I’m wearing the rain and I’m wrapped up in night
Oh I’m singing for stars that are hiding their light
I’m keeping it down and I’m seeing it through

I’m wielding a flame that is flickering white
Burning me deep, every breath is a bite
Feel the heat through miles, I know you do
A need, like a notion, a blue-black devotion so true

I won’t need to tell you, you already knew
I howl at the moon and I’m howling at you

I dig in the dirt and I’m digging for you
Prying under the stones ’til I’m covered in moss
Oh I’m singing to creatures that are born at a loss
I’m keeping it down and I’m seeing it through

I‘m lost in a crystal that glows with each thought
Dazzling me, every movement a fight
Feel the depths that I’m stuck in, I know you do
Taking root, lost to motion,  muddy devotion, like glue

I won’t need to tell you, you already knew
I dig in the dirt and I’m digging for you

I reach for the stars and I’m reaching for you
I’m holding the void and I’m coated in rust
I’m growling for lost bloom and holding my lust
I’m keeping it down and I’m seeing it through

I’m dowsing for water that is gossamer blue
Washing me clean, every drop is my truth
Feel like drowning again, I know you do
A drop like an ocean, a sea green devotion so true

I won’t need to tell you, you already knew
I reach for the stars and I’m reaching for you

I danced in the flames and I’m dancing from you
I’m burning alive and I’m crowned in the bright
Oh I’m singeing my feathers but not giving up flight
I’m keeping it down and I’m seeing it through

I’m clutching an ember that will not go out
And I am transforming, each cell, every bone
Feel the heat through miles, I know you do
Releasing a note,  piercing clearly and true

I won’t need to tell you, you already knew
I danced in the flames and I’m dancing from you

LM 2013 – 2018

* I picked this up again after forgetting about it. Who knows, it may still not be finished.
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Inferno

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inferno

 

INFERNO

Where did all this anger come from
What chasm burst to let it all run spilling forth
Who fed this fire to such a state of raging conflagration
That rain drops scorch and steam upon the earth

Who loosed this red horse spiked for battle
To trample the most tender heart beneath his hooves
What child has cried in pain to fuel this unhindered devastation
While stony backs remained unturned unmoved

Burn it down
Burn it all down to the black
Let the night share the dark with more than stars
Let the moonlight shine along the rivened scars

But let each lash out bring something back
Let each death bring something new
Let each wound be a furrow for a seed
Let bleed what needs to bleed

-LM 2104 – 2018

 

 

Tunnel Vision

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The first few lines of this song popped in my head one night while I was driving. This happens a lot. Sometimes I get on a tear and I have to pull over to write things down. Sometimes using the recorder on my phone is manageable. Other times I have to keep repeating things while I drive and hope I don’t come up with one lie too many and forget it. Tunnel Vision started as a little fragment that grew when I picked it up a few weeks later. Then I tucked it away and forgot about it. I came across it recently and fleshed it out.
I haven’t got someone to work out the music with but I do have a working melody, but it’s not easy for me to sing right now so I’ll wait to record it. My voice sounds alien to me. I suffer from a condition called vasomotor rhinitis and it has made it nearly impossible for me to sing for several months. Sometimes I can’t even croak out an octave. 
I suppose a lot of my stuff is moody, brooding or gloomy. Intense things just tend to inspire me more. And usually, words just pop into my head, like this one. I didn’t set out to write a song about an obsessive or smothering relationship. I think there are parts of this that are rooted in a relationship I had no business attempting but it sparked a lot of creative work and I can’t complain about that! The song does end on a hopeful note, swapping someone else’s narrow vision for the wide, clear, free expanse of blue sky. Yes, there’s a metaphor there. There’s a lot of symbolism in this song for you to work out in a way that’s meaningful to you someday. 

TUNNEL VISION

You are the intersection where my heart stopped
You are the course correction that fucked me up
Here stops my heart and it can go no further
Can’t veer off the road or make evasive maneuvers

All my gears are frozen still you set me spinning
And sorting through the sticks and stones is so confusing
You feel like an ending that is just beginning and it’s going to drag on

The sun is sinking deep into a panoramic blue
Visual dominion  holds my gaze like glue
Your own spectacular tunnel vision
The tunnel is wide
That tunnel is wide
And I can’t see through to the other side

You are the lake that iced with me half under
You are the sound at night that makes me shudder
Desperately lost and I can go no further
If my bones are never found who will avenge my murder
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The Healing Powers of Mud

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Here is a piece that I was sure I had posted but I guess I missed it. If you have gone through trauma sometimes you need to get dirty and muck around in it, sift through for what’s valuable and rinse off the things you are ready to let go of. Everyone heals differently. We all have our own unique process. There’s no correct answer. I have always liked that line from Peter Gabriel’s, Digging in the Dirt, “I’m digging in the dirt, To find the places I got hurt, Open up the places I got hurt” In some ways this is a similar sentiment. This one has some spots that need refining, perhaps, but I’m ok with it for now.
fish in the snow

The Healing Powers of Mud

So let us sift through the past and see what breaks
What holds up and how much pain it takes
Make an inventory of the seeds that were sewn
Make a basket from the weeds
Then set fire to it with the sun

Let us mourn the childhood that lies buried in the deep
Not too loud because memory’s asleep
Don’t try to breathe like fishes gasping in snow
When the dams commit to breaking
There’ll be nowhere left to go

No secret corners where the truth resides
Where wounds can fester deep within your hide
Songs spit out from the heart of the moon
Words you choked, flying feathers on the wind
The perfume of fear lingers in the air

Are your raging rivers sanctified, careful what you drown
Are you a swimmer, is the pain going down
Desperately sifting for remnants in the sludge
Don’t be afraid to stick your fingers in
There is magic in the mud

LM 2014

Thought Soup

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THOUGHT SOUP

Pensive to the point of inertia
Still
Slowly air moves in and out
Lips remain silent
Thoughts bound up in themselves
Words
Movement
Being
Seem impossible
Until some resolution
Finds its way through the muck
Surfaces
Acts
Puts in motion
Thoughts
That started as seeds
Then tangled in their own roots
For a while
Before bursting forth
That is a moment
A place in mind
I frequent these days
Deep, thick, tangled thoughts
Fermenting in
An emotional broth
Nutrient rich
Slowly stirred
Simmered
Usually just until it’s ready
But sometimes
Boiling over

LM 2015

Tidal

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TIDAL

You slip in and out of my mind like the tide
Teasing and tugging the water back to the sea
A ghost climbing in a window then slipping out the back door

Sometimes you sit on my breath, hanging there
An icicle considering the thaw
Much like the way that I used to melt kitten-like in your lap
As I still long to do, but nothing’s to be done for it now

Going back would be like falling down stairs
It might break every bit of me

Standing still is freezing, burning
I haven’t the patience to be statuary
Marking time in some corner of the garden where the spiders spin and the leaves pile from neglect.

Going forward is a beast unknown
Or perhaps it is a birdsong
Ringing out the perimeters of it’s territory
Bursting with hope

I can long for it but it will come to its conclusion on its own schedule
There’s no point in pushing

I can wait here clutching your valentine in my lap
One fist clenched under my pillow
Full of desire and lament and pages unread

But I will also go on about my business
Like falling snow, migrating birds and commuter trains
My will in my pocket
My heart full of fire, feathers and pocket watch springs

I am breathing you in and out of my thoughts
Like the universe expanding and collapsing in on itself

Knowing that it could be really horrible. if you drag me backward
Yet really nice if you catch up to me someday
Matching me step for step

I know when I drop my hand in your direction
Our fingers will interlock with ease
It will feel familiar and comforting like a child’s paper snowflake
And yet delightfully new, minted, full of anticipation.

Fate lay in the curve of our bodies
Their automatic inclinations towards each other

But you said you don’t believe in fate
If you are so quick to dismiss it, why so wary
Fate is way more patient than I

And will give you many chances
To pull the curtains open on the day
To turn the key in the door
To find beauty in the truth

To see your fear suddenly, as only
A small hamster addicted to turning a wheel

Fate has handed you a compass
A map to the labyrinth
So you can find me

Wherever I may be, whatever state I am in
Whether I am waiting or running or holding my breath
Because I just want to hold the thought of you in my mouth
For one more minute

Whether I am pushing you out
Or letting you in

-LM 2013/2015