A Declaration

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This is a piece I keep coming back to year after year, changing and adding to. I’m getting to the point where I kind of like it now, but who knows, next year I may pick at it again.

Sorry, it’s quite a bit late for the old V.D. I thought I had posted it, but alas, it got stuck in the drafts box.

A DECLARATION

I love you all

Well, okay
Not every single one of you
But….uh you know.

Most of you
Let’s just say
The lion’s share
And leave it at that

Or not

There’s a wee handful of folks that
While I wouldn’t leave them to die in the street
Or throw them into a woodchipper if no one was looking
I might wish for a moment that
I could
Lack compassion and……

But it’s just as well
They are stuck with themselves
What worse punishment could I wish upon them?

So for them,
I will work to give compassion
But not love
Because they aren’t wired that way anyway
And they wouldn’t have the first idea
What to do with love if it curled up in their lap
And started making biscuits

Those born or becoming
Shortly thereafter
Incapable of feeling love
Or empathy
Remorse or gratitude
Mimics
Kabuki Theater played out
In the shallow end of the pool

And while that makes me sad
And sometimes afraid
I won’t waste my love on narcissists
Or psychopaths
Empty children
With incessant appetites

But to the rest of you
I do
Enthusiastically
Give my devotion

I love you all
Even if we haven’t met

Dreamers
Believers
Adventurers

Your bright balloons setting out across the sky

In contrast
The timid
The hopeless

Lovers of falling leaves and moonlit snow

The tender nurturers
The truth seekers
Champions
And guardians

Earthbound angels
Falling through the cracks
Wanderers at will

I can see that not all tricksters are wicked
I can see that mourners are not always sorrowful
I believe that almost all are redeemable

I
Love
You
All

Truly
What’s not to love?

Even if you doubt
Your worth
Challenge me
I will find it

-LM 2015 /2016/2018

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Queery

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*Not my best poem, but I still like it as a wee bit of verse for starting a new year. (also a not so subtle reminder that you need to send me to Scotland)

 

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These are the steps at Pedan’s Cove, River Ayr, Scotland.  Click photo for more about this place

Queery

Where do the steps go
I want to know
Do they go down to the water’s edge
Or do they only rise up

Can you tell me
Where do they stop and start
Are they slick and wet
Or dry and sure

So many questions
To pause and to ponder
When I could just climb them
And see

I wonder
Where do the steps go
Shall I go and discover

Would you like to come with me
Or am I on this journey

Alone?

LM 2017

Conversations With Coffee: Compliments

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Coffee: You Rock
Me:*blushes* Aw. You Rock!
Coffee: You Rock.
Me: You are delicious and YOU Rock!
Coffee: You Rock.
Me: Thanks. I am so zippy now. Mmmmm. YOU totally rock!
Coffee: You Rock.
Me: You may be a coffee of few words, but you sure do pick them well!

-LM 11/2014

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* I used to go to this cafe when I lived in Vallejo. It was called, Good Day Cafe. They had fantastic waffles, the people who worked there were so nice. All of the coffee mugs had these positive affirmations and sayings on them. If they got chipped they sometimes sold the mugs at a discount in their little gift area. Last time I went there I noticed most of the mugs were just plain white. I guess it got expensive to replace the other mugs when they broke.

My Shoes!

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I’m finishing and loading up a bunch of things today, because I had that marvelous combination of time, internet access and my neuropathy being veddy, veddy quiet. Enjoy!

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“You can’t understand someone until youve walked a mile in their shoes.”

What a ridiculous idea! I wouldn’t want to be in your shoes for two steps and I won’t let you walk a mile in mine. I wouldn’t even let you walk around the block in them.

This is my path. My pain. My difficult road. And sometimes, it’s my easy street. You couldn’t stand to wear my shoes for a minute. Stop looking at them.

This isn’t some kind of challenge. And walking in my shoes won’t make you more empathetic or less judgemental. You’ll just end up pissed off with sore toes and a twisted ankle.

Oh, it’s possible the whole experience would give you some fleeting respect, a little awe for how I’ve managed to traverse such uneven ground in mismatched shoes for all these years. You might marvel at how most of the scars from my falls ended up on my insides instead of on my knees. But your appreciation won’t last because after you’ve taken your pity tour, you’ll be tottering along in your own shoes again, feeling quite superior. While you’re strolling easily or scrambling over debris in YOUR path, you’ll forget all about walking a mile or a minute of mine, although from time to time it may cross your mind that you’re glad you don’t have to.

I’ll let you in on a little secret because I know you won’t remember it next time we meet. I don’t always walk in my shoes either. Sometimes I kick them off and run completely off track for a while plunging my bare feet in sand or wiggling my toes in the grass. Sometimes I stop and lie flat on my back and thrust my feet into the cool night air and laugh at the sensation of lightness.

Sometimes I think subversive thoughts about not putting them back on again or just buying a new pair. But, no, they’re my shoes. Sometimes; a comfortable old friend, sometimes a particularly cruel bully that shadows me home, taking my refuge. Some days they hurt me to my bones, other days they soothes my soles.

I’ll walk in them until they become ghosts. When they fall off in tatters, I’ll walk barefoot until the sun sets.

LM – 2014 / 2016 /2017

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Some Thoughts About Motivation

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I am, as Carrie Fisher used to say about herself, an over-sharer. I have been jokingly referred to as, the Queen of T.M.I. I share liberally and personally. I process out loud, frequently about my health issues, how I wrestle with depression, anxiety and PTSD, abuse I have taken the brunt of, family, life experiences.

Sometimes people balk or take offense at this. They tell me it’s too personal, that I should keep it to myself, that what I share is inappropriate for Facebook or a blog. This used to be something that occurred more frequently. But now, I think the people who were offended have gotten used to it, given up or it’s just finally sunk in, why it is appropriate.

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I do it for me.

I learned a long time ago that returning the shame to the person it actually belongs to, means no more secrets and no more silence. I don’t have to name names, but speaking about my experience out loud makes it real, makes it less painful and it means I am no longer a conspirator. I separate myself from the person who put me through the trauma and become the person surviving it. Why should I be ashamed for what was done to me (or for the resulting life issues) or worry about embarrassing the perpetrator? I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed and embarrassed about. That shame belongs to them! Continue reading

Aphrodite Sneakers

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Aphrodite Sneakers

When life gives you ugly
Throw back a little sparkle
You were never meant to hold
The hand you were dealt forever
Play your cards right
Lay them down on the table and walk away
Pick up an electric colored daisy
Pull it’s petals one by one while you say
I am mine and I am free

When the sun casts a shadow
Put on your bright red shoes
Dance in the pitch black night of day
Like you’re the only one watching
Make it up as you go along
That’s what everyone else is doing
They just won’t admit it
When you make it up as you go along
There is no wrong way

We’re all afraid of the big bad wolf
Who is really just a stray dog
Howling for a warm lap
And a soft hand to rub his ears
When life hands you a blustery chill
Make it a pot of cinnamon tea
Offer an ear for the sorrows
And a genuine compliment
Why, your frost shines like diamonds!

Everyone rages and everyone sleeps
Everyone dreams about being naked
And everyone is blind sometimes
Some are blind to their blindness
But we see more clearly
When we accept our myopia
If life hands you a mirror
Say, Thank You
Even if it hurts to look, especially if it hurts

If life tickles your funny bone
Milk that for all it’s worth
Drink up
That amazing medicine
It can carry you miles
And miles and miles and miles
If you happen to step in shit
Scrape your shoe off in a garden
You can stop and smell the roses while you feed them.

When life gives me ugly
I throw on my red shoes
My Aphrodite Sneakers
I put something shiny next to the rough, plain ground
And I put one flash of rhinestone stars
In front of the other
And I walk in beauty
Knowing her secret
There’s so much beauty, beneath the ugliness of life

-LM 2017