I used to be smitten with a pair of cats; Opie and The Mysterious Germoe. After a while a third cat, Funky Ear Tony came to live with them. They lived in a house called, The Fear and Loathing, in Oakland, California. Sadly, their parents distanced themselves from me and I still don’t know why. Ouch. That’s fodder for another, more serious blog, I suppose. It’s water under the bridge now because they all moved to Georgia and they live in a lovely house called, Hope Springs and I only catch up on their adventures through Facebook.
Anyway, Opie, a very floofy ginger, used to get his treats from a little egg that would roll across the floor. (I suppose he still does, it’s just that someone else does it now) They would drop out one by one and it was very exciting for him to chase them. (Exercise) He also has very thick Maine Coonish fur. This is a typical exchange. You will relate if you have cats, if you have cats with thick coats that toss up hairballs or have tried to take photos of your pets only to watch them move as you click the shutter.
ME: Hey Op. Now that you have had your “exercise” chasing the magic egg around the floor and gobbling the treats that fell out of it, how about you let me brush you?
OPIE: More treats!
ME: No Op. You got quite a few this time. I gotta cut you off! No exploding Opie, Ok? How about a good brushing?
OPIE: *Rubs against his Pet Nanny* Lots of pets?
LiLi has been a little clingy since I came home:
LiLi: I on your face!
Me: Mmmph hack. LiLi I’m trying to sleep, but not the big sleep, ok?
LiLi: I claim this lap for France!
Me: Not a good idea. Now, Mom needs to pee.
LiLi You walk here. I walk here.
Me: CAT! Aaargh!
LiLi: I lean against you now. Now I lean against this side! Your foot, it is my pillow! Now your knee, it is my pillow! No.Don’t get up! You are not allowed to get up!
Me: LiLi, I’m just going downstairs to get something to eat!
LiLi: Nooooooooo! I shred your pillow! Oh damn! You trimmed my claws!
Me: I’m just going downstairs! I’ll be back in 10 minutes!
LiLi: *checks watch*
Me: LiLi you don’t have a watch
LiLi: *grumpy face*
Me: See I’m back.
LiLi: This is most inadequate
Me: Here. You can sit on my lap
LiLi: Don’t want your lap.
Me: Fine: I’m going downstairs and cleaning some of Hades’ mess so I can have room to make tea.
LiLi: Unacceptable! When you come back I put my butt in your tea!
*returns with tea*
LiLi: You walk here. I WALK HERE!
Me: Dammit this is hot tea!
LiLi: FEAR ME!
Me: Ok. LiLi. I fear you. Can I just sit down and make this cup….
LiLi: I put my butt in your tea cup.
Me: *Narrowly saves teacup from cat ass incursion*
( Hey, putting THAT on my band name list for sure!)
LiLi: LOVE ME!
Me: LiLi! Come on. Just let me get settled.
LiLi : I claim these legs for Catlandia!
Me: My leg is asleep. Mooooove
LiLi: My Butt it is on you!
Another Friday night over before it’s begun!
*Often I am able to take my cat with me when I have house-sitting assignments but recently she had to endure several weeks of her human coming home to feed and care for her and then leaving again. When I came home to stay she was beside herself. She purred for days on end and had to be on me or next to me at all times.
I come into the house after my housemate and I do the big car shuffle. Just inside the door I hear LiLi all the way from upstairs!
LiLi: Mom? Mom! Mom!
ME: I’m coming.
LiLi: Now! Hurry up!
ME: I’m coming. Hang on.
LiLi: Not fast enough! Moooooom!
ME: Gimme a minute. Mom has to use the litter box for humans!
ME: Damn! The Girlfriend is in there. Ok. You first.
LiLi: Open the damn door already! I WANT MOM!
*Entering the room cat and human run into each other’s arms in slow motion, which means what actually happened is I plop down on the bed and LiLi puts her butt in my face*
LiLi: Pppppppuuuuuuuuuuur! I put my butt in your face!
Me: Yeah. Mommy missed you too!
LiLi: PPPPPUUUUUUUURRRRR: I crash my head into your boobs now!
Me: Well, I’ll just rub your ears, Ok?
LiLi: You will never leave me again!
Me: I wish I could promise that Merph!
LiLi: You made me drool with happiness! Rub my belly!
Me: I hate to interrupt the love fest Lounge Monkey San, buy I need to pee and bring in my groceries from the car!
LiLi: No! I sit on you now!
Me: I’ll be back, really. Look! I let Hades block Stacey the car in! I can’t go anywhere!
LiLi: Merrrrr This is most inadequate.
Me: Merph. Mom has to do stuff. You have to deal.
LiLi: You do not fear me adequately.
Me: *sigh* I fear you. I have tremendous fear of you, Ok? Can I get my groceries now?
LiLi: Most inadequate. When you return I shall put my butt on you. You will be ex-purr-minated!